The Secret
by TheSilentQuill
Summary: While visiting Angel's grave, Collins learns an important secret.


**Disclaimer: the following story is based on the musical/film RENT which was created by Jonathan Larson. The quote from The Little Prince was written by Antoine de Saint-Exupery.**

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The weather was unseasonably cold for October in New York. The air had an added chill to it, not just the crispness you would expect this close to Halloween. I shivered in my leather coat as I crossed the graveyard. I couldn't believe a whole year had passed since Angel left us. I quickly found the familiar stone inscribed with her name and stood beside it.

"Angel, I miss you," I whispered to my lost love. " I have good days and bad days, but I think of you all the time. Sometimes I hear a child laugh and I remember your smile. I can't help but laugh when I see a woman walk an Akita in the park. And when I hear drumming and I look over my shoulder butyou aren't there.

"Sometimes I think I feel your touch when I'm helping Mimi study or giving Mark an opinion about a frame of film. Other times I swear I can hear your voice when I'm listening to Roger's songs. I thought I spotted you in the crowd for Maureen's protest about gay rights. I miss you, my Angel."

I stood in silence for a few minutes but then became distracted by a sniffing sound. A couple of graves over, a young boy with curly sand-coloured hair was standing alone by the side of a grave. Judging by the mound of earth that covered it, the boy had recently lost someone close to him. He wiped his eyes with his shirt sleeve. I slowly approached and offered him my handkerchief. He took it gratefully.

"Thanks mister," he said. He looked at my sad face and then glanced over at Angel's stone. "Did you lose someone, too?"

I swallowed a lump in my throat. Even after a year, it was hard to talk about my loss. "Yeah, I lost my Angel, the love of my life. Who did you lose?"

"My brother. It only happed two weeks ago. The stone came today."

"I'm sorry. You must miss him a lot."

Tears filled his blue eyes once again. He blinked them back. "He was the best brother in the world. He always brought me along to do stuff with him, like looking at the stars or going hiking in the woods by our grandmother's house."

"Was he your older brother?"

"Yeah. He was three years older than me. He always looked out for me. I don't know what I'm going to do without him."

My heart wrenched. I knew exactly how he felt. "You must love him a lot."

"I do. Mister, when did you lose your friend? There's grass on her grave."

"She died a year ago. I still miss her a lot."

"How did she die?"

My voice quivered as I said the words. "She was sick, and she just got weaker and weaker. Finally she died in the hospital." I didn't want to explain AIDS, but luckily, he accepted this explanation. I was a bit shocked to hear his next question.

"Was she in pain?"

How did he think of that? "Yes. Part of me realizes that she's in a better place now, but it's hard without her."

"My brother died in a car accident. He didn't feel any pain, but I wish I could have said goodbye to him."

The sadness in his face made me realize how lucky I was to hold Angel and tell her goodbye as she slipped from this world. "I'm sure he knows you love him, even if he had to go quickly."

"I guess. I'm just getting used to him not being at my house or seeing him at school. But do you want to know a secret?"

"Yes, I would."

"After the accident, my grandmother told me that when you lose someone you won't see them again for a very long time, but they'll always be in your heart."

A memory of Angel sitting in my arms as I read to her came to me. The corners of my mouth twitched into a small smile as I remembered a quote from the book we had read. "That's a good secret. 'What is essential is invisible to the eye. You can only see rightly with the heart' after all."

"Is that a secret too?"

"Sort of. It's from a book called The Little Prince. It was Angel's favourite." I dug around in the pockets of my coat. For the past year, I've been keeping two copies of The Little Prince with me, one in English and the other in the original French. Before she died, one of Angel's last wishes was to hear the story in French. We finished it a week before Halloween. I passed the English copy to the boy. "You can have that copy. I've got another one."

"Thank you. Maybe I'll find more secrets in it."

"Thank you for sharing yours with me. I feel a lot better now that I've talked to you."

"I feel better now too. I think I was so sad that I almost forgot the secret."

"Me too. Angel wouldn't want me to be sad."

"My brother wouldn't want me to be sad either."

"I'm going to write your secret into my copy of The Little Prince so whenever I read it I'll remember."

"Thanks for the book, mister."

"Thanks for the secret."

The wind shifted just then and another chill came over me. As I pulled my coat tighter, I could feel the copy of the French novella in my pocket and I smiled. Angel was closer than I thought.

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_Author's Note: As an itinerant teacher of the deaf, I get to meet many children in the course of a day. Last Wednesday, I met a seven-year-old boy who seemed to have the weight of the world on his shoulders, including the fact he had recently lost his uncle. He is the one who told me the secret._

_Also, many thanks to my beta, Mel._


End file.
